I realized recently that it has been 9 months since my last post. I've written a couple posts over the last few months but none of them are ready in my mind for posting. I am not sure what they are missing or what it is that keeps me from posting. I think the reason is that I wrote my first posts when I was learning about PPCM and I thought it was important to share so that others know about this disease because I had never heard of it.
I wanted to continue to write so that there is one more resource for those that are recently diagnosed to read and know that they aren't alone. This sounds good but in reality, that means that I have to write about me and that isn't always comfortable. There have been plenty of times where I write and then decide that no one is interested in that topic or I don't want to come across as complaining when there are people worse off.
Like a few months ago, I started writing about my parking garage at work. We were blessed not to have any damage to our home from Hurricane Harvey. However, the parking garage near my job, which is underground, flooded. I waited about two years for a contract at this garage. While I waited I paid $15 for daily parking, I took the public bus to downtown or I bummed a ride with Sean. Finally, in March of 2017, when I returned to work, I got a parking contract.
Fast forward to fall of 2017 and I could no longer park in the garage because it flooded during Harvey. The garage found parking for those with contracts in other garages, and provides a shuttle to bring us closer to work. Unfortunately, the shuttle stop was about 2-3 blocks away from the office. For any other normal person, this is a small inconvenience and ordinarily I wouldn't complain when there are people who lost everything. But then I decided that this blog is my space and this is about living with PPCM and the truth is that the situation SUCKS.
I parked 8 blocks away. I would get on the shuttle (with an oversized laptop bag). Ride to a shuttle stop 2-3 blocks away from where I used to park. Walk to work. Some mornings by the time I arrived at my desk I was out of breathe and needed some time to regroup. Other mornings, I felt fine. Then I would work all day and do it all in the reverse to get home. Once at home, you feel like you can't do anything else, but your day isn't over. Dinner needs to be prepared and the kid(s) want all of your attention. The really terrible days are the ones when you really can't do anything else. The days when I hear "up" from love bug and picking her up feels like lifting a ton of bricks. Or the days when I am so exhausted I feel like I can't even carry her up the stairs.
Like I said before, when I typed it, I decided no one wants to hear your whining but this isn't being written for just anyone. Its for a mother with PPCM that finds it difficult to do daily tasks and maybe that one little inconvenience just sets her back a little more than she felt like she was the day before. Some days "regular" activities feel like too much and the purpose of this blog is to let someone else with PPCM know they aren't alone. Yes, we get winded after walking a mile on some days and after a block on others. Yes, we need breaks when other people don't. Yes, we can't do the things we are used to doing and often times we don't want to or can't admit it. Just know that although everything becomes harder but we still keep moving forward, even if its not at the same pace we are use to.
