5

Five.  The number of percentage points my EF increased.  On March 15th, I was scheduled for a follow up echo to see what my ejection fraction was after being treated for PPCM for 3 months.  At my doctors visit prior to this one, we talked about an ICD and how I would need one if my EF was less than 35.  Well the doctor estimated that it was only 25-30 (later they changed it to 20-25) so I would need an ICD.  I don't know what I expected.  I guess I was hoping that it would be 30.  After my episode of ventricular tachycardia, I figured it my EF was still low but I hoped that because my medicine was increased, maybe it had continued to improve.

Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed.  I didn't want to write this blog anymore because I wanted to be able to share good news.  Instead my update is that now I needed an ICD.  I won't dwell on my disappointment.  Instead, I will tell you about how I traded in my lifevest for an ICD. 

My cardiologist referred me to an electrophysiologist who would implant the ICD.  He was very knowledgeable and I felt comfortable moving forward with the surgery (not like I had much of a choice).  The ICD is an implantable cardioverter defibrillator which is useful in preventing sudden death in patients.  The ICD can pace the heart if the heart rate is detected to be too slow and it can shock the heart when the heartbeat is too fast or chaotic.  The ICD is not a treatment for PPCM.  It's meant to protect against sudden death which can be a result of PPCM.

Being able to get an ICD is a blessing because I no longer need the lifevest.  The lifevest made me feel safe but it was a constant reminder that there is something wrong with my heart.  Even when I was sitting down with no symptoms, I still had to deal with the lifevest poking my side.  I hope that the ICD will not be a constant reminder like the lifevest but I know that it's not something that I get and forget about.  The ICD comes with its own set of challenges.  I have to be aware of my surroundings because not every environment is safe for ICD patients. 

I was told what to expect during the implantation surgery (procedure) as the doctor called it but I will explain why it is definitely surgery and not a procedure.  I would be sedated but awake.  They will create a pocket for the ICD in my chest and run a lead to my heart.  I would need to stay in the hospital overnight, I shouldn't drive for 2 weeks, I can't raise my arm above my shoulder, I can’t put my arm behind my back and I can't pick up more than 5-10lbs (Lovebug is about 20lbs).

Returning to Work

I am a few weeks behind on writing. I started this post on March 12^th but I was a little saddened by my second echocardiogram on March 15^th and I couldn’t return to writing.  I had hoped my ejection fraction would have shown a little more improvement.  This post, however, is not about my EF.  It’s about returning to work.

Until last Thursday, I had not returned to work.  Honestly, I was not looking forward to it especially with so many unknowns right now.  I wondered am I healthy enough to return to work, will returning help me or end up hurting me in the long run.  I've heard accounts from women that made me unsure about what it would be like.  Some immediately went back to work after their maternity leave and felt like it helped them because they were able to take their minds off their health issues, while others felt like it added to an already stressful situation.  Like any illness PPCM moms are faced with losing their income and benefits when their maternity leave (if they had any to begin with) is up.  It is difficult for them to qualify for disability even when the symptoms of their condition or treatment keep them from working.  To me, after you have a baby is the worst possible time to lose your job and medical coverage.  Babies are expensive.

I don't know what the future holds but I pray that I can juggle everything that is going on as well as return to work.  I've worked hard in school and in my career and I would like to get back to where I was before my diagnosis.  For now, I am going back to work at 50%.  I am grateful that my job is flexible and that they are able to work with a part-time schedule. 

Aside from dealing with health issues, I like all moms that return to work, had to leave Lovebug for the entire day.  I think that was the hardest part.  I was afraid that she would miss me; I already knew I would miss her.  Thankfully, a few of my friends and coworkers had recently returned to work after their maternity leave.  I was just like them on Thursday, a regular mom who missed her baby girl all day. 

My first day back wasn't as horrible as I thought. :-)  I work with a great group of people that welcomed me back.  One thing that I could have done without were the “you had a nice long break” comments.  These were people that probably don’t know what is going on and they just thought I had extended my maternity leave. I didn’t want to be a downer and tell them that I have been sick the last three months.  I just agreed that I was lucky to spend time off with Lovebug.  Of course, I missed her but I glanced at her pictures when I had a chance.  I only checked on her a couple of times and she seemed to be happy but missing me a little.  Around 2pm I really missed her but I stuck it out until the end of the day.  I was glad that I was off the next day because I needed my Lovebug fix. 

I think I can do this and my plan is to eventually return to a normal schedule when I have recovered or at least when I am better and can function normally.  Until then, I will do my best and I hope that any PPCM moms that are in the same situation know that they are not alone.